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By Julia Alvarez

In a narrative that travels past borders and among households, acclaimed Dominican novelist and poet Julia Alvarez displays at the joys and burdens of love—for her mom and dad, for her husband, and for a tender Haitian boy often called Piti. during this intimate precise account of a promise stored, Alvarez takes us on a trip into stories that problem our state of mind approximately background and the way it may be reimagined whilst humans from countries—traditional enemies and strangers—become buddies.

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You don’t think about these responses. You simply do them. Affect-level responses are immediate and physiologically based. They’re typically adaptive and effective responses to immediate threats. Affect motivates you to respond in the moment without thinking. This is a very basic system that works well in securing our survival and caring for others. 41 42 Part I: Essentials of Emotionally Focused Therapy Fight or flight The fight-or-flight response is a good example of affect at work. Your brain responds to a perceived threat at a basic or primitive level of defense.

All he remembers in the moment is the angry look on her face, and then he shuts down. His experience tells him that it’s best to ride out the storm. Stay quiet and say little. “This storm will pass,” he says to himself. Inside, Robert has little sense for what he’s feeling other than admitting that these kinds of situations make him feel bad about himself and his marriage. This has become a typical fight for Robert and Candice. Neither strategy is working for them. Candice angrily demands a response.

You may think, “All he cares about is himself. ” You may also think, “She doesn’t really care about me. No one does really. ” ✓ You’ll turn to a backup strategy for addressing the distress that you’re experiencing. This distress now includes your partner’s failed response, so the intensity of your distress is at a higher level than it was initially. The attachment system works to adapt and regulate emotion through a safe and trusting relationship. Over time, as the attachment system fails to provide a safe and secure response, attachment insecurity results.

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